picky peeves

August 22, 2017

about a month ago or so, stephanie posted about irrational annoyances. i've been mulling over this topic ever since. my brother's friend adam would say that everything annoys me, and maybe he's right. i do like to bitch, and i'm gifted at it. it's what i learned in kindergarten, really, and studying english in college honed those skills considerably.

so these are the most common annoyances for me.

one. people following too closely. the stretch of interstate forty-five in montgomery county is one of the deadliest in texas. coming out of the woodlands yesterday and going home, i noticed that the entire southbound freeway was shut down for what looked like miles because somebody somewhere hit somebody else. and guess what? there were lights flashing on the southbound frontage road, too. now, sure, that shit happens everywhere. i know. but more often than not, cars on that twenty miles or so of highway are packed like sardines sun up to sundown. and they're not stopped. they're hauling ass... seventy miles an hour. motorcycles are weaving through traffic like the dotted lines on the road are paths they're meant to trace. it's one car length for every ten miles an hour you're traveling, asshats. and if you're booking it at seventy miles per hour, then there should be seven mississippis between your front bumper and the bastard's rear before you. crawling up my ass isn't going to make me go any faster.

two. people invading my personal space. i keep bitching about this one. i keep thinking one day i'm going to be able to explain to people in ways they might could understand how detrimental that bubble is to my sanity and sense of security. so let's try this...

i took these photos today of the rooms i'm most often in at home and the view before the front door. i've hung out in that kitchen, living room and den for thirty-four years. i've crossed that sidewalk thousands and thousands of times. i get anxious every time i walk between those two topiary bushes. i know i can pass between them safely enough. that their leaves won't brush my sides as i pass. 

my world is as flat as those photos look to you. every time i come down the stairs and pass that chest in the foyer, round the corner and go into the kitchen, my hands are trailing on the walls, telling my brain where everything is so i don't have to wonder where i need to step. 

my left hand's on the statue at the foot of the stairs, then the chest, then it drops and my right hand goes for the wainscoting beneath the photos, trailing it around the corner. my left hand will go to the back of my father's recliner (you can see a smidge of it above the rosewood desk) as my right hand reaches for the antique icebox in the corner, then the barstools and the countertop on my way into the kitchen... and my hands are on everything at every available opportunity. it's not a conscious thing. i'm not always aware of it, but i know subconsciously i'm doing it. 

if my parents are standing too close to me, i step back to make more room between us. my parents. it hurts my father's feelings so much. it's like he thinks i can't stomach standing near him. but that's not it at all. it's that i lose perspective and without it, i panic. i can't stand the way that feels.

the floor isn't a floor at all. it's just another plane in front of me, flat as a wall. a room is not a cube. it's a piece of paper.

so i'm having to use my hands to navigate spaces i've known for more than three decades. imagine how terrifying it can be walking through a mall or a restaurant, larger spaces that don't often provide crutches like the ones in my home. when i say excuse me, please it's the most polite way i know to say get the fuck out of my way because i can't see a goddamned thing right now.

but let's talk about what really annoys me about my vision. it's not that i have trouble seeing. it's how my eyes look. 

i took these a few years ago. my hair's shorter now. my eyes drift a bit more now, but i think that you get the idea. at least i hope you do. in the left photo, i'm using my right eye to see. in the right one, i'm using my left. the eye that's not working is floating off in la la land. it sees things, but it can't focus on any of them when the other is in use. if they would both look at the same thing at the same time, i'd feel a WHOLE LOT better about the way i look. and i would haven't to tell people, on far too many occasions, that, yeah, i'm talking to you. because when i'm using my left eye, and i were talking to you, you'd have to wonder, wouldn't you? and i'd be annoyed that i had to answer that question yet again.

but mostly, i'm annoyed that i'm annoyed by this. my vision has been this way since birth. i've had three surgeries on my eyes because of it. it could be worse, though. i know this. they both could be fucked at once, like they were when i was born. wouldn't that be fun?

by the way, in case you're curious, driving's a hell of a lot easier than walking. so much. SO, SO much easier.

three. misspellings: like woah, definately, your for you're, should of instead of should have

four. people congregating in front of doorways, especially at restaurants, so no one can get in or out because your party of twelve is taking up the whole goddamned sidewalk.

five. this one's the biggest one of all: people bitching about social and political injustices. your bitching about this does ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING GOOD WHATSOEVER except to PISS PEOPLE OFF and create more BITCHING. if you don't like the way the world works, get up off your ass and go DO SOMETHING to change it. don't go to fucking twitter (i swear to god, yall, i can feel my blood pressure rise dramatically after being on that site for five seconds) or facebook and run your mouth about how much you hate the president or those statues commemorating the southern way of life from nearly two CENTURIES ago. if you want to make the world better, sign up at big brothers big sisters. be a MENTOR to someone so that we can affect real change. if you can't do that then SHUT THE FUCK UP. hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. live the way martin luther king, jr. would have us live.


  1. I am so with you on people driving too close or congregating near an entrance, that is seriously the worst. And another common misspelling that drives me nuts? Lose versus loose. They are two different words with two different meanings.
    The Beth Next Door

  2. I completely agree with you. I cannot stand when people crowd an entrance. It's so annoying. Horrible driving annoys me. I hate when people drive too close or don't use a blinker.

  3. Misspellings are one of my pet peeves, too! The one that makes me howl with rage the most is wahlah or walla for voilá. NOOOO. :)

  4. A lot of people think Jake isn't listening to them or looking at them too. His eye movement makes them think he is rolling his eyes. He's only 8 but I worry. I know he will get his feelings hurt time and time again and that breaks my heart.
    Oh and people who follow to close make me what to slam on my breaks.

  5. I HATE when words are misspelled and when lower case letters are used where there should be an upper case letter.

  6. Yes to SO many of these!! I just wrote a post about this crap yesterday.