random quarter

June 24, 2017

one. i have been unemployed now for about eleven months -- the longest streak since graduating college. i keep telling myself god's got a plan. if that's the case, i'd really like to know what it is.

two. i firmly believe that seasonal depression doesn't just happen in winter. anyone who tells you that shit's limited to the shortest, darkest days of the year, and in some cases also the coldest (although it's usually still in the eighties in texas in december, so we don't see nasty until the month before winter relinquishes her evil hold on the northern hemisphere, also called february)... that person's a fucking moron. i'm convinced if a person can be prone to (greater) bouts of depression when the days are short (and cold) and the nights are long (and colder), then that person can also be affected when the days are long (and hot) and the nights are short (and as equally as hot, as is the case in texas right about now... though interestingly enough it was eighty-two degrees this afternoon in east texas, just as it was eighty-two degrees in west colorado... i know this because my cousin's wife told me so when i'd texted her, smugly, thinking that it was colder in texas than in colorado because yesterday i was in colorado and it was fucking hot.

three. the true reason why i allow myself to call these posts random isn't because it's twenty-five random things. it's because it gives me license, in my mind, to be okay with the fact that i'm rambling, and often like a lunatic. i've been in a car for two days with my parents. who wouldn't be a lunatic after that?

four. i'm also convinced that i could do a better job of driving through the mountains in the summer than my father. winter? not a chance in hell. he's the champion of the world and the nations, as he would say, then. but right now? i'd win. easily.

five. i missed the show us your books post for this month. but guess what? i'm going to do one anyway. better late than never, right? right after i post about the four books i read weeks ago (or in one case years ago but i'd forgotten to blog it... but that's a good thing, because i need the refresher... you'll see which one that would be shortly... as in the next post).

six. i need new pillows and duvets, new books... new teeth. SO embarrassing to be missing two. QUIT FUCKING SMOKING, PEOPLE. YOU CAN'T AFFORD THE DENTAL WORK THAT HIDEOUS VICE WILL CAUSE. i think maybe six of my teeth are still wholly mine. the remaining ones have been crowned and, in some cases, canalled. i just made that last word up, by the way. i'm keeping it. the more i gawk at that chasm between a bicuspid and rear molar on the lower right, where two molars once existed but had to be extracted because i'm an idiot who guzzles too many dark, cold, carbonated, caffeinated beverages and smoked, sometimes, three packs a day (FUCKING KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF, yall! i swear, it's a bitch to quit, and i've spent thousands on dental work, and i'm confident i'll be spending thousands more because i'm pretty sure that bicuspid and molar are going to be on the chopping block soon because i've not had a job and therefore don't have the funds to go to the dentist, and my mouth is turning into a dentist's dream, really, because look at all the money i could be giving him!) new teeth. seriously. who wishes for that shit? idiots. like me. also, when i smoked i was spending two bucks and eleven cents on a pack of marlboros. i'm pretty sure it's at least triple that now. you could buy lunch at whataburger or twenty cancer sticks. take your pick.

seven. whataburger, by the way, is the second best fast food burger joint in the country. up until a few days ago i would've said it's the best. my cousins reminded me of the awesomesauce of vicco's charcoalburger drive-in in glenwood springs, colorado. apparently, i'd eaten there before? or maybe they're remembering that i'd tagged along with them when in reality i hadn't (my cousins like to do things like skydiving and camping, and that's generally not my thing). anyway. i want vicco to relocate to the woodlands and open up a charcoalburger by my house. or i want to relocate to glenwood springs. chances are good that neither of these things will be happening anytime soon, but if i'm wishing for new teeth, then a girl can dream of something like this, too, yeah?

eight. i climbed a rock!! there's a mica mine trail outside of grand junction, colorado called bangs canyon trailhead. i did go hiking with one of those cousins and his son, my brother and his wife and children. and not only did i hike, i made myself climb up one of those rocks. before yall get too gobsmacked, it wasn't a huge rock or anything. but climbing scares me because of my vision issues and more because things in my body break really easily. i fucking rock-climbed. have never done that in my life. my kabuki would've been proud. i wish to god he could've seen me do it. the twins left a piece of mica on his gravestone yesterday. i was supremely touched that they had done so.

nine. i went zip-lining!!! this should shock yall more than the rock-climbing because it shocked the hell out of me. and you know what? the zipping didn't scare me. not really. the first time, i was a little fearful, true, and i was maybe a little distracted because i'd put my hand in front of me to brake rather than behind me (idiot, remember?). the second time i went i did much, much better. you know what scared the crap out of me? the damned suspension bridge. i about had a damned panic attack on that thing. had to have that cousin we'd gone hiking with a day or two earlier help me across. the cousin's practically half my age, but whatever. okay, that's an exaggeration. he's like fifteen years younger. but that's basically the same thing.

ten. last weekend, on the night we arrived in grand junction (the town from which my mother's family hails) i snuck into not one but two showings of guardians of the galaxy two. two days of riding in the car with my parents. my brother and his family were going camping (house with no electricity, heat, running water... really small house that could maybe fit five people that would be housing three times that many? i'll pass, thanks.) i stayed the night in the house we were renting for the week. my parents stayed in their apartment. my father and i are much, too much alike. we got into it. i decided i was very much in need of some space. i decided the best thing would be a solitary, two-mile walk to a movie theater at eight p.m. on a friday night, even in a town that small (a hundred thousand's small when you're from a metropolis that's like seven million or something). i figured hell with it, if i can walk down sixth street at night dressed in an aggies sweatshirt, i can walk to the movie theater in grand junction. so i finally get there (an hour later), and instead of getting my ticket and snacks, i head for the women's room, which is right next to the usher stand. i come out, and the usher's not there. i look to my right, and there are two theaters for guardians. it's nine p.m. one show had started forty minutes ago. the other would start in a half hour. all i really wanted to see was baby groot dancing to the opening credits (i needed happy and figured that was the best way i was going to get it), but since i had a thirty minute wait... so i watched thirty minutes of the first, snuck into the second to watch the credits, snuck back into the first to watch the rest. and then i walked back to the house. i said a LOT of hail marys. only instead of now and at the hour of death, i said now and in the hour of our need. i safely made it to the house. the only injuries i'd sustained were blisters on my feet because i'd opted not to change out of my flip-flops into my sneakers. IDIOT. 

eleven.  the family had dinner at the winery one night. super expensive. SUPER AMAZING. smoked salmon and broccoli alfredo. i wanted to inhale the whole damned plate. i was supremely bummed that my stomach could hold only so much. i'm supremely bummed that the good lord could not bless me with the culinary gene so i could make it myself.

twelve. i happened to spot an aston martin vantage after we'd eaten that night. i don't normally stop to gawk at cars, but damned if i couldn't help myself on this occasion. everything about that car looked amazing, even in its celery green coat. generally as a rule i am not a fan of celery green, and maybe such vehicles shouldn't be painted in such a color, but i was practically drooling... the girl who can't afford to buy new pillows is obsessing over a ridiculously, horribly overpriced method of transportation that she'd most likely wreck within six months of owning it... idiot.

thirteen. in the past week or so, i've gotten both a manicure and a pedicure. i had the pedi before we left for colorado. hadn't had the mani in about six months. i figured i was due. i clip my nails short, and when i'd told the lady that i wanted a manicure, she looked at me and said, pedicure? i shook my head, pointed to my feet and the bandaids on them and insisted on the manicure. my hands feel so much better.

fourteen. am reading goldman's the princess bride. the twins, their stepmother and i watched that the other day. they hadn't seen it. my nephew called out on more than a few occasions that a scene was fake, but i'd thought he liked it and when asked him if he wanted to read the book he said yes. so i bought him one. and i've not been able to get him to read since. after i'd gotten past the two introductions and the forty pages of what-the-fuck-is-this-shit to where the movie begins, i found myself enjoying it quite a bit. it's one of the better film adaptations i've seen actually.

fifteen. my throat hurts all the time. i'm more than a little concerned that the cause for all the dental work isn't just the smoking but a more serious issue. but then i'm a worrywart. and even if it were a more serious issue, i don't know that i'd do much about it, so worrying about this is pretty idiotic.

sixteen. i got maybe an hour's worth of sleep last night. i'm very glad to be back in my bed.

seventeen. there's a great deal more country music in my collection than there used to be. i'm a little concerned with that, as well.

eighteen. the new year's resolutions i'd set in january... those have all gone to hell. i plan on resuming my efforts in july. one more week of bad behavior and then i'll practice being good again. hopefully it'll last longer.

nineteen. i was looking through my facebook on this day posts just now. the top of the list: i've never stood someone up in my life, but that's happening in seventeen minutes. this was just last year. i can recall pretty much every douchebag with whom i've interacted, but this one escapes me. so much so that i'd forgotten that i'd stood the dude up.

twenty. also on that day, i'd woken up to discover that my bony elbows and restless nature had caused me to shred my pottery barn kids' empire strikes back sheets. that i do remember, and it still makes me sad.

twenty-one. six years ago it must've been unbelievably hot here. ridiculously so. why? because i'd posted that i was moving to alaska. i'll go skydiving before that were to happen, yall.

twenty-two. seven years ago i was touring europe with three of another cousin's children. this other cousin is older than me, so her daughters were a college-graduate, college student and high school senior at the time. seven years ago today we were walking around dachau.

twenty-three. today marks the tenth anniversary of my having smoked my final cigarette. it took more time (another four months or so of lozenges and patches before i could kick the habit in its entirety). a decade, yall. i am amazing. so what if i'm an idiot about all the other stuff. i'm always wishing i could go back and redo. i've heard that it takes about fifteen years for the body to fully recover from the damage smoking causes. five more... i'll be standing much too close for fifty for that, but... that's a pretty good birthday present, don't you think?

twenty-four. my niece put michael jackson's thriller in my head earlier today. fantastic.

twenty-five. i taught a cousin and a friend how to play splendor. they both whipped me. soundly. on several occasions. and i taught them. you'd think if i taught them, then i could beat them, but nah. that's not how it works.

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