mismatch monday

March 5, 2017

i got this in the mail the other day:

you are hot! we just detected that you're among the most attractive people on okcupid.

we learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in doubletake. did you get a new haircut or something? well, it's working!

to celebrate, we've adjusted your okcupid experience:

you'll see more attractive people in your results

this won't affect your match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. but we'll recommend more attractive people to you. you'll also appear more often to other attractive people. 

sign in to see your newly-shuffled matches. have fun, and don't let this go to your head.

oh, i won't.

so next to the photos and the usernames is a percentage -- how likely you are to get along with that particular person. those percentages range from zero to ninety-one. the one with the highest ranking is a fan of the film gladiator. curious, i messaged him to ascertain why he loves that movie over ALL THE OTHERS IN THE WORLD because there most assuredly are better ones... and every time i see a guy profess a love for that film in his profile, i am reminded of what my oldest friends once told me with regard to perusing dating profiles... something about how any guy who claimed to love that flick is a loser... it's stuck.

so his reply:

it's the story of a honorable man and his ultimate victory over a dishonorable one.

by that logic, then, could i suggest cinderella man, the client, the count of monte cristo, a few good men (though that one may be a stretch), gangster squad, murder in the first, philadelphia, sleepers, a time to kill, tombstone...? i mentioned a couple of those to him. he didn't reply. loser.

this week on the cupid:

nine guys glanced at my profile. usernames included buggysquashy, cupid007, spiceymekhi and arsen02. all of'm are from texas. one's main photo is a picture of his red striped tie over a pale blue button-down and a gray jacket; another's is an artsy black and white selfie of a guy dressed in a puma t-shirt; there's one of a yellow sports car, and one with two dudes in the picture, and one with a white cat and some text.

aside from the one from the staff telling me how hot i am, i got three messages this week. two of those were single-word missives: hello and nice.

and then there's this gem: hottie, what about a fwb?

i'm not seeing more attractive people in my search results, by the way.

this post is a tad bit early this week because tomorrow's gonna be a super fun day that i can't make more tolerable by consuming adult beverages. clinic... and then i have to continue tearing apart my room in search of tax documents... i figured i should post this while i'm only mildly annoyed...

1 comment :

  1. What is "fwb"?
    One time, when I experimented with match years ago, I was living with 2 friends from A&M. One was a guy. My highest match score? Him. Yes, we made awesome roommates but were never interested in each other for dates.