you made quite an impression on my heart -- so quick and so great as to be astonishing and terrific at once; you were the air and the light, glorious color in my world when for so much of my life i'd been in pitch darkness.
i was blindsided by your presence, your absence; the emotions you stirred in me were so monumental, so foreign, so shocking, and i don't handle my emotions well in normal situations so i was phenomenally inept -- ill-prepared and ill-equipped to care for you in the manner in which you deserved.
my behavior where you're concerned shames me, still, and the guilt is as great as the impression you'd made; i've done my best to carry on, but without the air and the light, i haven't the strength or the sight, and i implore you to forgive me and let us try again.
i can't tell you this, of course. you are so far removed from me, and in so many ways. you are so very adept at constructing walls and burning bridges, so much better than me, and i'm pretty damned good at that. i've gotten pretty damned good at writing since i lost you, since i struggled so desperately to find the right words. maybe there's someone who's struggling as much as i'd done. these won't work with you... but maybe they could work on someone else. maybe.