blogiversary bash guest post the ninth: meredith

May 26, 2015

today i have for yall a guest post by meredith over at pile of babies. this girl cracks me up, yall. go say howdy.

I Was Given The Word, “Willow,” So I Am Going To Talk About Tits

To celebrate her awesome blog's anniversary, Jenn gave me a choice of two words to write about: “pottery” or “willow.” I chose “willow,” because all “pottery” makes me think of is that scene in Ghost where they're making a pot together and how annoyed I would be by that if I was Demi Moore (“Dammit Patrick, can a bitch finish a mug?!”) The word “willow” on the other hand makes me think of two things: weeping willows (nothing to say), and tits (lots to say).

The first thing I associate with “willow” is the song, “Tit Willow,” known by cultured people as a song from the Gilbert and Sullivan opera, The Mikado, and by me as the song Sam the Eagle and Rowlf sang together on The Muppet Show. It's important to add here that in The Mikado, “Tit Willow” is a song of unrequited love sung by a “dicky bird.” It'd be too good to be true if it weren't completely true.

 Tit is a pretty harsh word; it sounds crude even if tits themselves are not. I am amazed at how often the word “tit” came up in my childhood. Besides The Muppet Show, I remember a well-intentioned music teacher trying to teach my fifth-grade class how to sing the song, “Lake Titicaca.” There cannot possibly be a worse song to teach to a group of fifth graders.

Lake Titicaca is the most magnificent and unfortunate name for a body of water in all the world. It's like whoever discovered the lake told his eight-year-old son he could name it whatever he wanted as long as he stopped making whatever repetitive, annoying sound he had been making for the past fifty miles.

Titicaca is a name that is impossible to say without laughing. So is, unfortunately, the Willow Tit, an adorable bird that belongs to the tit family of birds called Paridae. Let me quote to you from the Willow Tit's wikipedia page:

“In the east of its range it is much paler than marsh tit....”
“The willow tit is distinguished from the marsh tit by a sooty brown instead of a glossy blue black cap....”
“Birds feed on insects, caterpillars, and seeds, much like other tits.”

If none of that made you giggle, then you are much more grown up than I am.

So to sum up, “willow” is “tit,” and happy anniversary to Jenn!!

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