to be single

October 8, 2013

bonnie wrote a post called to be married. and in the midst of reading it, i thought of the opposite. of what it means to be single.

to get all the covers, all the mattress. to clutter up a bedroom and bath, heck a whole house with only your things, which you can leave where they may fall until you feel damned good and ready to put them in their places. to decorate it exactly like you like it without having to argue over things like stupid, wagon wheel coffee tables (see: when harry met sally). to not have to cook. ever. unless, of course, you find a recipe like the one i found today at williams sonoma for ooey gooey apple squares that you could make with the stuff i've got up for grabs (see: picky's sidebar). to go see a movie alone--sometimes this is actually kind of nice and other times, it really, really sucks. to sit at a bar on a friday night by yourself and get shuffled about because the couple to your right or left needs the space more than you. to be treated with contempt on the rare occasion you attempt to hold your ground. to have to take things like benadryl and then play on the computer or watch television until you're nearly dead weight just so you can sleep. to sleep with extra pillows because there's no one there to hold you and you need something to hold on to. to wonder what some guy thinks of you while being too afraid to say hello, to ask. to have control of the remote. to fear solitude. to embrace it. to go wherever you want, whenever you want. to feel jealous of those couples who seem to have found something good and true. to feel useless and ugly and unloved. to be glad that you don't settle for less when you know you deserve more. to want to hear things like this:

to know that sometimes it's enough just to know that that's how it should be. and you were right to walk away when it couldn't be. and maybe it's to imagine better, to make believe because the reality sometimes sucks. to hope, even when it seems pointless to do so.

1 comment :

  1. Wow...nice flow of thoughts, right my opinion.