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miles to go

June 20, 2013


so i need about fourteen pages or so. that's the bare minimum. i have six scenes i need to rewrite, and i'll be finished. that i will feel confident enough in my work that i can devote more serious efforts to shopping it. and when i say more serious efforts, i mean like scouring my literary agents guide and firing off query after query.

maybe that's one of the reasons why i've taken SO long to finish this story... because finishing it meant i'd have to sell it to someone. to sell myself. and i'm pretty sure i've mentioned before (like a million times) how much i hate doing that.

i'm starting to think of all the reasons it'll be rejected--and i'm well aware it will be rejected a shit ton of times. so far, i've heard that so-and-so doesn't represent my kind of work. doesn't like my style of writing. my characters are too weak.

this morning, i worried that i don't show enough. that i tell too much.

but my greatest fear is that i can't tell it convincingly.

one of the girls who's read it--the only one who's done so cover to cover--has said that i do better with the tragedy.

but, of course. i don't have too many instances to rely upon for happy.

one of the scenes i tried to polish off today was the conclusion of the first date. the first time reese kisses isabel, it doesn't go very well. the second time, then, needs to be awesome. but at the moment, i can't even get them to dinner. i spent my afternoon--six hours or so of it--trying to figure out where they go. i'd forgotten that my plan was that they grab sandwiches and then hem and haw over what's showing at the theaters and then they go back to his place. or maybe i was just gonna use that idea as a crutch of sorts. so... i'm picking the bar staff's brains. where should they go? where would you go? this or that?

their suggestions? mcdonald's. taco bell. international house of pancakes. chili's. cheesecake factory. tommy bahamas, kirby's.

i did a lot of bashing of the first three of those choices.

and then i remembered that one of the best dates i'd ever gone on... a first date... ihop and mcdonald's.

so i debated tinkering with that a bit.

and then it occurred to me that my readers probably wouldn't like thinking reese could be so cheap. so... back to the proverbial drawing board.

the thing is, i didn't mind the cheapness of that date. because it was rich in other ways. or so i thought at the time. granted, it was a first date. but still...

i feel foolish today. and my head is too crowded by my past.

and maybe the reason i'm having trouble writing some of these scenes is that i'm having to recall things i'd be better off forgetting.

like the way a man can stand behind you, and not physically touch you, and your whole body is alive, knowing he's just right there. right. there. all you have to do is lean back an inch. at most. but you can't. because if you do, you'll give too much of yourself away.

i'm tired of telling this story. i just want to finish these last few damned pages so i can think of other things.

2 comments :

  1. Sorry you're having a hard time with this! For the record, I think cheap dates are awesome. One of my best dates ever with my husband before we were married was stopping at Perkins for pancakes and cherry coke after seeing a late movie. It was simple, but it was really sweet :)

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  2. Hang in there! You are an amazing writer! What kind of book would it be if you didn't have some of the ideas crowded by your head and heart?

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