sitting at a counter in a small town

January 9, 2012

sometimes i think sitting here at this bar, banging on these keys and tinkering with this stupid story is a complete and total waste of time and i shouldn't delude myself into thinking that i will ever be anything more than a retail slave.

i made up eight pretty nifty characters. i like them. even kyle, that idiot who takes off to go traverse the country without saying goodbye to anyone. even matthew, the manwhore.

i have managed to craft some pretty nifty dialogue where they're concerned.

yesterday, i finished typing up everything i'd written in the past six months. i filled up a spiral with snippets for this stupid, stupid story i've been screwing with for fifteen stupid years.

i get so excited when i do well. when i write something of worth. i got so excited when i thought i was near the end of it.

but i'm reading over what i've written and that excitement i felt for having what i thought was the bones of thirty consecutive chapters? it's gone. because i had to kill two of them friday. and today i killed another.

and my biggest fears where this stupid, stupid story are concerned? that i don't know what the hell i'm talking about. that i've made up these characters, but they just sit there on the checkered board. that i don't know how to move them. or why i should. nor do i have the confidence that the moves i make aren't the same stupid moves that any other author makes ... cliched. meaningless. and all i can think is why the hell am i bothering with it?

and why would god give me a talent but not show me how to use it?


  1. Feel ya. I started this blog to help me further my dreams of writing something. I say something because I don't know if its a novel, a short story, a child's book, or a wanted ad that's brewing within. But at least you find the time to get it on paper. I've since neglected this blog and my other ambition is collecting dust on a shelf while I play chauffer and cook and homework assistant. I'd read what ya got! (if you ever need an opinion...) Keep at it.

  2. Sometimes you have to be willing to try something and make some mistakes. That's where editing and first drafts come in. Good luck! :) I find daydreaming helps, too. Thanks for stopping by on my SITS day! :)

  3. I know how it goes. I'm trying to get a book published and it's hard. I wonder if I'm just wasting my time.

  4. Ah. I think you just perfectly expressed how so many of us that try to write feel.

    I wonder if people ever feel secure with their writing. I was reading somewhere that even major, published authors worry about their plotline or their believability in characters.

    Personally, I think you write some of the most believable dialogue scenes. That is not an easy thing to do!