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sitting at a counter in a small town

January 9, 2012

sometimes i think sitting here at this bar, banging on these keys and tinkering with this stupid story is a complete and total waste of time and i shouldn't delude myself into thinking that i will ever be anything more than a retail slave.

i made up eight pretty nifty characters. i like them. even kyle, that idiot who takes off to go traverse the country without saying goodbye to anyone. even matthew, the manwhore.

i have managed to craft some pretty nifty dialogue where they're concerned.

yesterday, i finished typing up everything i'd written in the past six months. i filled up a spiral with snippets for this stupid, stupid story i've been screwing with for fifteen stupid years.

i get so excited when i do well. when i write something of worth. i got so excited when i thought i was near the end of it.

but i'm reading over what i've written and that excitement i felt for having what i thought was the bones of thirty consecutive chapters? it's gone. because i had to kill two of them friday. and today i killed another.

and my biggest fears where this stupid, stupid story are concerned? that i don't know what the hell i'm talking about. that i've made up these characters, but they just sit there on the checkered board. that i don't know how to move them. or why i should. nor do i have the confidence that the moves i make aren't the same stupid moves that any other author makes ... cliched. meaningless. and all i can think is why the hell am i bothering with it?

and why would god give me a talent but not show me how to use it?

4 comments :

  1. Feel ya. I started this blog to help me further my dreams of writing something. I say something because I don't know if its a novel, a short story, a child's book, or a wanted ad that's brewing within. But at least you find the time to get it on paper. I've since neglected this blog and my other ambition is collecting dust on a shelf while I play chauffer and cook and homework assistant. I'd read what ya got! (if you ever need an opinion...) Keep at it.

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  2. Sometimes you have to be willing to try something and make some mistakes. That's where editing and first drafts come in. Good luck! :) I find daydreaming helps, too. Thanks for stopping by on my SITS day! :)

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  3. I know how it goes. I'm trying to get a book published and it's hard. I wonder if I'm just wasting my time.

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  4. Ah. I think you just perfectly expressed how so many of us that try to write feel.

    I wonder if people ever feel secure with their writing. I was reading somewhere that even major, published authors worry about their plotline or their believability in characters.

    Personally, I think you write some of the most believable dialogue scenes. That is not an easy thing to do!

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