from someone to watch over lily:
one. Gloria: Lily! When something awful happens, you're going to be mine!
Mitchell: It really is an "if" situation...
Gloria: All mine!
two. Gloria: I said I was sorry! But I've had them since I was two. Huge ones!
Phil: What is she...?
Claire: Earrings, Phil. Earrings.
three. Phil: You know why else he's gonna be ok? Because somewhere out there is a little girl who's making lists and labeling bins...and he's gonna find her.
four. Claire: Please don't let me screw up our son!
five. Cameron: You punctured our daughter!
Gloria: But did you see both sides? I didn't just do the gay ear, look!
six. Mitchell: How are you doing?
Cameron: Oh not good. I'm just glad my clown training prepared me to take a fall like that.
Mitchell: In terms of talking about it, are we looking at weeks? Months?
Cameron: Do not minimize it, oh he who I had to rush to the emergency room when he fell out of his clogs.
seven. Cameron: Wait! There's the esteem-building parent right there. Wait! I think I hear future Lily sending us a message from her stripper pole. Thanks gay-dad dads; this dance is for you!
eight. Psychologist: Mrs. Dunphy, what exactly are you worried about?
Phil: Get comfortable.
nine. Luke: She's like the best doctor ever. A couple of puzzles. No shots. I didn't even have to take my pants off. I found that one out a little late.
Phil: I've been there buddy.
ten. Phil: You're just a worrier, like when you thought he was never gonna talk.
Claire: He was two, and all he could do was bark.
Phil: I understood him.
from manny get your gun:
eleven. Claire: You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.
twelve. Jay [on Gloria]: You'd think growing up in a place full of death squads and drunken uncles, she'd have learned to move a little bit faster.
thirteen. Luke: One time, she gave me a Woody.
Claire: Sweet J...
Luke: She remembered he's my favorite character from Toy Story.
from after the fire
fourteen. Alex [to Haley]: You have your fans; I have mine. And one day, your fans are gonna work for my fans.
from hit and run
fifteen. Claire: I take my eye off the ball for one minute and I've got one kid in a coma, one with a
black eye, and one running a crime ring.
from door to door
sixteen. Cam: When I get home I'm gonna scrub this place like it's a crime scene, which it is because you murdered joy.
from phil on wire
seventeen. Haley: You're a freshman. What are you doing in second-year math?
Alex: You're a senior. What are you still doing in second-year math?
from when good kids go bad
eighteen. Mitchell: The attic? Why?
Luke: At least it's big. Grandpa said you used to live in a closet.
nineteen. Claire: Sweetheart, I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.
twenty. Alex [to Haley]: Is it one more year or when you leave for college, because those happen to be two different things.
twenty-one. Alex: Could you L a little less O L? Can't you see what I'm trying to do here?
Haley: Die alone?
from mother's day
twenty-two. Luke: You know more people have died hiking than in the entire Civil War?
Alex: What book did you read that in?
Luke: Book? Look it up on the internet, Grandma.
twenty-three. Gloria: I love Manny, but sometimes, I...be a boy. Go outside kick a ball and steal something.
from travels with scout
twenty-four. Dylan: I don't think we'd like the same music.
Cam: Because I'm gay and only like show tunes?
Dylan: Because you're old.
Cam: Well, that hurt more, Dylan.
from starry night
twenty-five. Alex: Luke has ADHD.
Luke: No I don't... what is it?
Alex: I'd tell you, but you'd wander off before I get to the (Luke wanders off) H.
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