July 15, 2010

the eighteenth

What would you say your worst trait is, and why? -- David

I have made so many horrible choices because I have not been brave enough, strong enough to make the right ones. I have not usually thought enough of myself to obtain those things that I’d most like to have. On the rare occasion that I do think enough of myself, and I find my courage to try and obtain them, I end up asking for those things in an awkward manner, either by phrasing my request in clumsy language or using a voice that lacks volume and wavers tremendously.

I cannot distance myself, the woman I have become from the child I once was. I fail to see how the two are so different.

My mother thinks I’m the strongest woman she knows. I think I am the weakest woman I know.

I never learned to believe in myself. And when one cannot believe in herself, she can never be secure enough in her world. She can never be brave enough.

for the seventeenth inquisition essay, go here.

did i say there were twenty questions? i lied. it's been quite some time since i've looked at this project. there were two dozen of'm. the question erw posed in the comments of the first essay's post makes twenty-five. so this will go on a bit longer. hope you don't mind. :]


  1. well, if you have a hard time believing in yourself, you know you've got us believing in you!

  2. Keep posting these they always make me think and reflect on myself.

  3. Don't mind in the slightest that there are more of these. I'm just so glad you're back from Germany and posting again. As for the content of THIS post, I think that being able to recognize this is a step in the right direction. *I* believe in you. You make me think, question, ponder, and write more. And I think that's a great quality to believe in.

  4. Start listening to your mother! Did traveling abroad boost your confidence at all? One of the best things I ever did for myself was spend a semester abroad in college. Traveling alone was so good for me.

  5. I'm think that your mother's comment may agree with your opinion of yourself more than you think. Don't you think that often that the things that our weaknesses are our strengths and vice versa? For example, as a nurse, I think I have the gift of mercy. But that gift can also lead me to be overly trusting and vulnerable...


the good in my day

i read in a magazine or on a website or something... somewhere... about how one should write down the most beautiful thing about the day. and that looking at this list will help a person see her life differently, more positively.

getting off work on time. earphones (because i just had to sit in front of the baby who cried the WHOLE way to georgia). the medic. coligny beach. chatting with the bartender at proof. my nephew. my bed. weezer (because it was that, aerosmith's eighties rock ballads or adele's sad shit). reading dickens' our mutual friend in the courtyard before work. ed sheeran's lego house. chatting with the soldier boy. the chat i had with my general manager... her reinforcements are sometimes miraculous things that help to restore my sanity. i slept until well past ten today; i've not done that in months. dinner with josh and dianne. the two claires. knorr butter noodles. pansies. bodycology bath products. fireworks. trick pony's pour me. the judge. george strait's run. martina mcbride's anyway. the sky on the way to work today: as i crossed the lot to panera for my daily tea and muffins, i looked up and there was this fantastic smattering of white, white clouds shaped like a giant's thumbprint right over the sun. caterine. sarah, the car salesman at the toyota dealership here in town (so if you live in montgomery county and are in need of a new toyota, ask for her... she's new, so the business hasn't screwed with her psyche yet, i.e. she's nice). cherrie's kindness and willingness to alter my work schedule.

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