July 15, 2010

the eighteenth


What would you say your worst trait is, and why? -- David

I have made so many horrible choices because I have not been brave enough, strong enough to make the right ones. I have not usually thought enough of myself to obtain those things that I’d most like to have. On the rare occasion that I do think enough of myself, and I find my courage to try and obtain them, I end up asking for those things in an awkward manner, either by phrasing my request in clumsy language or using a voice that lacks volume and wavers tremendously.

I cannot distance myself, the woman I have become from the child I once was. I fail to see how the two are so different.

My mother thinks I’m the strongest woman she knows. I think I am the weakest woman I know.

I never learned to believe in myself. And when one cannot believe in herself, she can never be secure enough in her world. She can never be brave enough.

for the seventeenth inquisition essay, go here.

did i say there were twenty questions? i lied. it's been quite some time since i've looked at this project. there were two dozen of'm. the question erw posed in the comments of the first essay's post makes twenty-five. so this will go on a bit longer. hope you don't mind. :]

5 comments

  1. well, if you have a hard time believing in yourself, you know you've got us believing in you!

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  2. Keep posting these they always make me think and reflect on myself.

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  3. Don't mind in the slightest that there are more of these. I'm just so glad you're back from Germany and posting again. As for the content of THIS post, I think that being able to recognize this is a step in the right direction. *I* believe in you. You make me think, question, ponder, and write more. And I think that's a great quality to believe in.

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  4. Start listening to your mother! Did traveling abroad boost your confidence at all? One of the best things I ever did for myself was spend a semester abroad in college. Traveling alone was so good for me.

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  5. I'm think that your mother's comment may agree with your opinion of yourself more than you think. Don't you think that often that the things that our weaknesses are our strengths and vice versa? For example, as a nurse, I think I have the gift of mercy. But that gift can also lead me to be overly trusting and vulnerable...

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the good in my day

i read in a magazine or on a website or something... somewhere... about how one should write down the most beautiful thing about the day. and that looking at this list will help a person see her life differently, more positively.

daddy. sarah. mercy bocephus! iced tea. pottery barn's comfort roll-arm slipcovered sofa. saltgrass' chicken fried steak. jewell. that the world can sometimes be so beautifully small. the compliments a woman paid to my father through me. the memory of a man. that window of calm in the day, just as the sun's setting... when the world seems painless and plentiful: the dogs barking, the people laughing and loving, the daylight blushing before it pales. first-row parking places. cousins.
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