July 15, 2010

the eighteenth

What would you say your worst trait is, and why? -- David

I have made so many horrible choices because I have not been brave enough, strong enough to make the right ones. I have not usually thought enough of myself to obtain those things that I’d most like to have. On the rare occasion that I do think enough of myself, and I find my courage to try and obtain them, I end up asking for those things in an awkward manner, either by phrasing my request in clumsy language or using a voice that lacks volume and wavers tremendously.

I cannot distance myself, the woman I have become from the child I once was. I fail to see how the two are so different.

My mother thinks I’m the strongest woman she knows. I think I am the weakest woman I know.

I never learned to believe in myself. And when one cannot believe in herself, she can never be secure enough in her world. She can never be brave enough.

for the seventeenth inquisition essay, go here.

did i say there were twenty questions? i lied. it's been quite some time since i've looked at this project. there were two dozen of'm. the question erw posed in the comments of the first essay's post makes twenty-five. so this will go on a bit longer. hope you don't mind. :]


  1. well, if you have a hard time believing in yourself, you know you've got us believing in you!

  2. Keep posting these they always make me think and reflect on myself.

  3. Don't mind in the slightest that there are more of these. I'm just so glad you're back from Germany and posting again. As for the content of THIS post, I think that being able to recognize this is a step in the right direction. *I* believe in you. You make me think, question, ponder, and write more. And I think that's a great quality to believe in.

  4. Start listening to your mother! Did traveling abroad boost your confidence at all? One of the best things I ever did for myself was spend a semester abroad in college. Traveling alone was so good for me.

  5. I'm think that your mother's comment may agree with your opinion of yourself more than you think. Don't you think that often that the things that our weaknesses are our strengths and vice versa? For example, as a nurse, I think I have the gift of mercy. But that gift can also lead me to be overly trusting and vulnerable...


the good in my day

i read in a magazine or on a website or something... somewhere... about how one should write down the most beautiful thing about the day. and that looking at this list will help a person see her life differently, more positively.

the guy hardy shirts i found at academy; my older brother would've loved them, so i bought two. the abbey of our lady of the holy trinity monastery in huntsville, utah. my cousin thomas has lost a lot of weight and looks very happy; he didn't look half as good the last time i saw him. my cousin timothy. playing hearts with the family. the server i met at the radisson hotel in salt lake city; he was so kind and sweet, and i was so much in need of that kindness and sweetness in that moment. pappadeaux's blueberry lemonade. ice packs. rainbow rowell's landline. i'm caught up with laundry; that hardly ever happens. i got to go to bed very early; sometimes that's just the thing. the star wars preschool workbooks we recently stocked at pbk. the post oak tree outside my window. chatting with jesse. time with asia and gabe. the rain. conversations with stephanie. time with dianne and her family and friends. dinner with my parents (and landry's stuffed flounder). i really enjoyed work today. the feedback an agent gave in a rejection letter. pictures of the wonder twins. flowers. i found a neat blog today. east shore. ken burns' film for pbs about mark twain. marble slab's swiss chocolate and birthday cake ice cream with fruity pebbles. my father's laughter. playing thirteen cards with my mother.

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