July 22, 2014

songs that start with the letter u: a not-so-random sample

because it's not a good day and i just wanna sit here and listen to music,
yall get another playlist. yay!

one. ultraviolet (light my way). u2. achtung baby.
two. unbelievable. emf. coyote ugly soundtrack.
three. under the milky way. the church. starfish.
four. undercover. pete yorn. nightcrawler.
five.  underneath your clothes. shakira. laundry service.
six. underwater march. klaus badelt. pirates of the caribbean: the curse of the black pearl.
seven. undone. lifehouse's self-titled album.
eight. ungodly hour. the fray's self-tilted album.
nine. under my skin. rachael yamagata. happenstance.
ten. uninvited. alanis morissette. city of angels: music from the motion picture.
eleven. union of the snake. duran duran. seven and the ragged tiger.
twelve. universe and u. kt tunstall. eye to the telescope.
thirteen. unsung psalm. tracy chapman. telling stories.
fourteen. until it sleeps. metallica. load.
fifteen. until the end of the world. u2. achtung baby.
sixteen. untitled. collective soul's self-titled album.
seventeen. untitled. fuel. sunburn.
eighteen. untitled. interpol. turn on the bright lights.
nineteen. untitled. smashing pumpkins. rotten apples: greatest hits.
twenty. untitled one. keane. hopes and fears.
twenty-one. unwell. matchbox twenty. more than you think you are.
twenty-two. up all night. unwritten law. elva.
twenty-three. upside down. tori amos. silent all these years (single).
twenty-four. us. regina spektor. soviet kitsch.
twenty-five. useless. depeche mode. ultra.

July 16, 2014

the pick ten: seventh issue

one. rebel circus shared this photo. 



two. the metapicture shared a story about an anniversary dinner at red lobster.

three. lifebuzz shared an article about why a restaurant's customer service feedback differed so greatly over a decade.

four. kristal at atutudes shared a recipe for italian cream cake. i'm not a cook. i sure as heck don't need cake. but this one looks so tempting...

five. the metapicture shared this photo. which i only found because i was blocked and brainstorming and clicking through their site's pages. so... thirty-nine pages later... maybe yall've seen it already. but it's new to me, so...


six. texts from last night's twitter feed. specifically this tweet:


seven. an unlikely friendship.

eight. the bloggess pinned this: 



nine. my friend naomi pinned this: 


ten. and this: 

dead ringer

there's so much i want to talk about. but i can't talk about any of it.

i miss my brother. 

and i don't. 

because there was so much about him that i didn't like. 

i'd always thought it a blessing he left us at such a young age. i've probably mentioned that before. i'm grateful for it every day. the dread stopped when he died. the hate. the fear. the visions i'd had of my brother becoming this red-faced, bald, paunchy, soft, angry, bitter, wasted drunk--those died, too. or so i'd thought.

i see them again. i am reminded of what made my brother ugly on a daily basis now.

i was so certain his death was a good thing. 

and now i can't help but wonder if my brother should've somehow found a way to hang on a little longer. another decade or so. maybe if he had... maybe i wouldn't feel the need to talk about things i shouldn't talk about here.

all i can tell you is that i'm worried that i will lose both my brothers. and that the loss of the second will be greater than the first.

and i am helpless to stop it.

i'm sitting here at fielding's, munching on some sort of grilled avocado and cheese sandwich, watching golf on nbc. he could watch golf. he could spend hours watching golf. i can not. but i'm watching it because that's what's on. and they're playing crappy classic rock songs that i do not like. but my older brother loved. 

and i looked to my left. and there's this guy in a white polo sitting at the bar. and for a second, looking at him was like looking at my brother. the hair's parted on the wrong side. it's lighter than jon's was. but the way his hair falls away from that part, the thinness of it, the way the rest of it is kept is identical to his. and his profile is so similar. his beard's the same. the way the shirt fits is the same. the mannerisms.

i see him too often now. and i'd rather not.

July 15, 2014

top golf... because girls with no depth perception who get injured throwing frisbees at flags should definitely be allowed to aim a long metal club at a small white ball



i can't aim for shit. and my score was in the negatives when time expired, but... i managed to not hurt myself. more, i managed to get the ball in the hole a couple of times. i had fun.

also... today i tried vietnamese food. peanut sauce is yummy.

and i tried ginger beer. good stuff. not so good with vodka, though.

July 14, 2014

twenty-five favored chick flicks

i felt inspired to make (yet) a(nother) list of my own.

about time
catch and release
chocolat
crazy stupid love
the cutting edge
dedication
dirty dancing
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
fever pitch
five hundred days of summer
for love of the game
hitch
life as a house
life or something like it
love actually
memoirs of a geisha
the mirror has two faces
no reservations
the notebook
one fine day
the painted veil
the proposal
she's all that 
steel magnolias
that awkward moment

the good in my day

i read in a magazine or on a website or something... somewhere... about how one should write down the most beautiful thing about the day. and that looking at this list will help a person see her life differently, more positively.

the guy hardy shirts i found at academy; my older brother would've loved them, so i bought two. the abbey of our lady of the holy trinity monastery in huntsville, utah. my cousin thomas has lost a lot of weight and looks very happy; he didn't look half as good the last time i saw him. my cousin timothy. playing hearts with the family. the server i met at the radisson hotel in salt lake city; he was so kind and sweet, and i was so much in need of that kindness and sweetness in that moment. pappadeaux's blueberry lemonade. ice packs. rainbow rowell's landline. i'm caught up with laundry; that hardly ever happens. i got to go to bed very early; sometimes that's just the thing. the star wars preschool workbooks we recently stocked at pbk. the post oak tree outside my window. chatting with jesse. time with asia and gabe. the rain. conversations with stephanie. time with dianne and her family and friends. dinner with my parents (and landry's stuffed flounder). i really enjoyed work today. the feedback an agent gave in a rejection letter. pictures of the wonder twins. flowers. i found a neat blog today. east shore. ken burns' film for pbs about mark twain. marble slab's swiss chocolate and birthday cake ice cream with fruity pebbles. my father's laughter. playing thirteen cards with my mother.

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